Just because I wanted to write something!!!!

Sometimes I feel I have no emotions! -- And many people would readily agree with that...
Sometimes I feel I am very sensitive.-- Issues that don't deserve to be on my mind more than 2 minutes ,linger for hours. I can feel the pain, as if my heart tissue is being scraped by someone's long nails.
Few people know this side of me. It is precisely to avoid projecting this (weak) sensitive side, my brain has trained itself to promote the other image-the uncaring, unemotional, indifferent persona.
I have quite settled down with this duplicitous personality, mostly unaware of its existence.

I have realised, with experience, that the world is a fighting ground, you get no second chances. There are no free lunches anywhere. Very few people really care for you in this world, and I sincerely wish to acknowledge and reciprocate the cares of these people. Then I wonder why I left those many people who cared for me and travelled thousands of miles into wilderness-where people don't really care how you are doing-but will ask you this 5 times in a day, - where people don't give a damn for your life-but will ask you 'Howz it going' 10 times. To many, you are just another loser guy who will take away their job in few years time. Not everyone has this attitude though.,some people truly are nice, and in these people you find the real experience and joy of studying or working abroad. They embrace you into their culture with open arms and genuinely wish to know about your culture. I wish the world had only such people.
The answer to that question(yes -the question was- why come here?) is not simple-- Sometimes in life, when life is going too fast, you need to take off some time for yourself, gauge and collect your inner thoughts and be strong and independent. You have to take your life in your own hands, take some decisions. Live for yourself, just because you want to do something... Don't do anything because you want to impress others or to project a successful image, but to realize your inner potential and get lost in your thoughts. Pursue hobbies, find release from your cares. Feel the vacuum. 'Comfortably numb'- Yes thats what it is. Who needs drugs? Psychedelic experiences are all around you, just waiting to be unraveled.

(This entry has been written in complete sanity, however unlikely that may seem :P)

HIGH hOPES

A bad day. A bad start. A bad follow-up to the bad start.
No worse way to continue than to spend the whole day wishing for the "almost impossible+ highly improbable " to happen.
Seeing the graph of Hope fall down close to zero in a hyperbolic manner.
Then blaming oneself for having false hopes in the first place.
Why does the switch of the Common Sense flip to the Off position in this matter?
Common sense is highly uncommon.
Frustration piles up when it dawns how close it was.. A miss by an inch, is miss by a mile.
A douchebag I was ;, I am.
I see a distorted image of myself in the mirror. Is this what I have become? I wasn't like this sometime back. Am I trying to sneak within a mask?Or is the mask taking over me without my permission?
This is not my cuppa tea. This is not the place where I park my car.
I better go back to what I am best known for-which again is what I have lost track of.
Higher the hopes, greater the fall.
So do I stop hoping?
Is a rosy world full of dreams better or a stark pragmatic threatening one?

Dizzy Depths

Damned if I do, damned if I don't
My heart pushes for it, but the mind won't
Engulfed by confusion, haze of distance
A constant reiteration, its not just an instance.

Clouds of doubt hover above my sky,
A quiver of rising pain, I cannot deny.
Few moments of joy, anguish for weeks.
Was it all pure sizzle and no steak?

After every dark night comes the overpowering day
I wait for the crack of dawn and the glimmering ray.
Till then hold on the grip and let not the fingertips slip.
Calm seas never maketh goood sailors
And its nights like these that make days more precious

Revival

Just when my flickering flame of hope was about to die out, You give it a steady strength again.
You restore my Faith time and again. I asked, You delivered. The delay tested my patience, but the event wipes it all away. Now its my turn for Payback. My part of the deal. A tough daunting task, but easy targets never have any charm.

Breaking news!

This is the level of news these days!
500 people die of cold every year, bloody no one bothers.....
Mujhe bhi thand lagti hai..., no one bothers

Comfortably Numb

A sudden gleam of insight
I soar into a rosy zone of contemplation.
Think about the sickening contrasts and diabolic ironies of life
Grapple with skirmishes and retreats of conscience.

Lost in a delirious wonder
Distant melody absorbs me.
Different array of thoughts as evanescent as bubbles
New dreams began to take wing in imagination

Precipitated into mysterious depths of nothingness
Rudely reminded of life's serious issues
Stirred back to REALITY


Q:Does this happen to anyone anytime???

TNT for my brain.

You make all my efforts go in vain
I feel bound though there is no chain
This is some kind of different pain
You are, I guess, TNT for my Brain.

I see that you know your game well
You make emotions and passions swell
Like a charm you make me follow you
The flashes of you are like some permanent glue

My mind no longer serene and tranquil
Now you seem to be ready for the kill.
My heart is brittle and my mind naive
So I'm an easy target as you would crave.


I maybe a novice in this game,but
I have the knack of learning quick,
I got few aces up my sleeve.
So you gotta deal with my restraining trick.

I won't let you invade my domain,
I won't let make my focus drain,
I'll fight and I will refrain,
I won't let you be TNT for my brain.

(P.S For the uninitiated, TNT= trinitrotoluene, most dangerous explosive)