Slang Lang

The world is moving too fast for simpletons like me.
I feel hopelessly lost while trying to comprehend the urban English informal language.
Seeing youngsters chit-chat (No-I am not feeling older than I am--just that others are way too young) makes me really wanna pull my socks up.

Now Showing--Some interesting colorful vocabulary that they throw around-- (with significant help from Google)

1) High ten:

a double handed high five, meant to use for especially awesome scenarios.

Usage and difference:
High five: Dude, you screwed the head cheerleader!
High ten: Dude, you screwed the entire cheerleading team

2) Liptease

The act of putting on lipstick suggestively;
The oral equivalent of a striptease

Lisa is giving me a liptease from across the room, so I think its my lucky day today

3) Fexpensive

Fucking expensive

4) deface (deFACE)

To remove a 'friendship' from facebook due to having either accidentily adding him/her as a friend or actually adding them and reconsidering later.

He kept on buggin me everytime I went online, so I defaced him


5) Destinesia

When you get to where you were intending to go, you forget why you were going there in the first place.
(not necessarily related to consumption of alcohol)

6) 27/4

27 seconds a day, 4 days a week


7)Chairdrobe

piling clothes on chair instead of closet

(if chair is full- you can have floordrobe too)

8) I'm just sayin'

A phrase that is used when someone is offended by something you said. This phrase then removes all the offensiveness of the previous statement.

a- Dude, that chick is hot ..look at her ass
b- Damn you-thats my sister
a-Oh, I'm jus sayin.
b-Okay . Cool


9) piss into the wind

Doing something that is a complete waste of effort and time for which you can expect no results and may even backfire on you.

10) Critical ass (lets get some calculus in here )

Stage where your fabric can no longer contain the enormity of your ass

"Jesus, I can't zip up these jeans anymore - I've reached critical ass!"


11) Texpectation :

The eagerness of anticipation rushing when waiting for a response to a text message.

Labyrinth

Recently, when after a long time I sat down to think about my life, I realized I haven't been thinking much about my life. The once methodical, chalked out approach I had to my career and life has faded out. The transition has been pretty much intangible. I seem to have stopped thinking about important things; subsidiary thoughts have taken their place, enjoying larger time at the surface.
But then, I have been worrying less and taking things as they come, like a batsman playing each ball on merit, not knowing which way the ball will turn, relying merely on instinct. But a player has to play for a target- I feel a strong sense of a purpose missing somewhere- I wasn't a dabbler before. I am a person who always works by deadlines- getting things done just before deadlines gives you unparalleled joy- and when you take away deadlines from me- you steal that purpose, the sense of urgency.
Well, settling down in a new setting shouldn't take long- well physically it doesn't take long- your body adjusts well- but mentally it takes long-longer than you think you will take- longer than you realize, there is no indicator point over here. Time takes its own course, you cannot cheat it.

visual melodrama

The day I reached Mumbai, I was led into the master trap that Singh is King is a huge hit, a feel good film where everyone rolls on the floor laughing their ass off and a film with a heart.
I like films with heart (DDLJ, Dil, Dil Ek Mandir, Dil Samundar, Dil Darya, Dil pahaad etc...) so I went to see it with a nice mood and good hopes in my dil.
But What a Torture it turned out to be! A complete no-brainer film. I didnt even smile once-forget rolling on floor stuff. maybe the people were rolling in pain. Seeing Katrina trying to act was the only silver lining for me amidst the whole cacophanous battery of turban clad goons.
It just seemed like a relentless assault on my eyeballs and eardrums.
The supporting cast aggravates the irriating quotient of the movie.I barely remember how the movie ended-just wanted to be out of there as quick as possible. While leaving the place, I could see a guy shouting at the top of his voice such a horrible crap the movie was. Just outside, there was some news crew who coincidentally asked this same guy how the movie was and this guy (I'm sure he would do great in politics) answered with much delight that "Bahut accha saaf dil waala movie hai. Bahut comedy hai. Poora family baaju mein baithke dekh sakta hai "
I wanted to ask him," Bhaisaab- Dil kidhar dikha movie mein? kya dil waala?" Ye the U rating was the USP of the movie i guess. I hate such mentality. Deliberately giving wrong reviews.If their money is wasted, they'll make sure everyone's money goes down the drain.

Speaking of news channels, I am utterly absolutely thoroughly disgusted by the news channels. They are mainly relying on sensationalism and wasting important public time and mindspace.
Some scary pony tail bearded guy shouts frantically "Agar Chaen se sona hai Toh jaag jaaiye, Chaukanne ho jaiye"
Poori jagaah faila hai Maut Ka Nanga naach.
Naukar bacchon ka katil
Humaare samvaaddata Theek GHATNA STHAL pe maujood hai...jee ha GHATNA STHAL pe.
Kya aap Tak humaari awaaz pahuch paa rahi hai? Sampark Karna Mushkil hai

One dog gave birth to 4 headed puppy. It was aired on TV the entire day. "Ek baar fir dekhiye." Aiye hum aapko ek baar fir se dikhaate hai ". Ek baar fir. (After 50 times or so With dolby surround sound thunder drums effect.)
Ye exclusive tasveerein hai. 10 feet ki doori se"
Never seen before angle. View this from a different angle.
Nonsense-wtf..what has angle got to do with this?

Then the BAAP of all CRAP is Big Boss and other such reality shows. They handpick the most controversial characters in town and people watch these psuedo-celebrities go all crazy and bitchy. Why do you seek entertainment by exploiting the psychological breakdown of others?
There are hoardings all round the city screaming at you" Kya himmat dikhayegi Monica Bedi ya Toot Jaayegi?" Why do you have bet on somebody breaking down?The question I would like to ask is- Is there no pure form of entertainment any longer. ?

Hair-Raising Story

My unsuccessful attempts in growing my hair.

attempt 1:
In India:- at end of engineering, the long break before I leave for cali

Long hair suddenly fascinates me. I suddenly want to get those long locks like John Abraham and Arjun Rampal. So what if I am a good 3-4 inches shorter in height than them and I can never grow those muscles. Growing hair is not rocket science. Its the easiest thing. Or so I felt then.
After two months of seeing my hair grow and ugly stares from Mom and lectures on being sober by Dad, I still resist. The mission was only half complete.I wanted those locks. But the curls and wavy nature of my hair bugs me, and it got real messy, so I thought of going to the salon to get it set properly with a nice IN hairstyle. I went to the expensive salon in vicinity. A female was ready with the scissors. I'd never had a female cut my hair before, so I was nervous then.
She asked me , What style do I want?
Behind, a female ready to get a haircut was explaining to her hairdresser.. layered cut, step till shoulder -then double layered or something like that. I was surprised that there can be such descriptions too. I was zero in hair-cutting terminology. I had always gone to the galli waala 20 rs modest cubicle and always told "Chhota Kaato Uncle". I didnt know anything else.
So when faced with the question- what style-, I didnt want to appear dumb by taking time. (Repuatation ka sawaala tha! :P) So , I answer, (as if it is reflex action) - "I'd like it short."
Yea..Harakiri.. Suicide.
And before I could collect my thoughts and change my mind, she used the machine right at the front and grazed off a meaty portion. Irreparable Damage had been done. I had left home a hero and returned back like a defeated soldier, head hung low. But I vowed, I'll be back with my long hair.

Attempt 2:
In USA now

No one to block my attempt now. The opinion of friends was divided whether long hair would suit me. Even it was zero FOR, I still had to do it. I had promised myself. I endured for more than 4 months. Day by day, the mop looked like uncut grass..dry and longish. Still, it was not long enough to be satisfactory for me. Again, I decided my hair needs to be set. This time, I will decide what I need to say. The mistake won't be repeated.
This time , I had to deal with a Chinese fem. I spoke slowly and asked her a couple of irrelevant questions. I needed to be absolutely sure if she understood English. She seemed fine, not great, but I was confident she could do a decent job. But, I overestimated. She cut it much more than I desired. Again, I was almost shattered. I felt like losing a limb. Worse, I had to give her a tip too.

Attempt 3

2 mnths after the previous attempt, when the length again looked luscious and full, I had to go back to India for a break. I decided-no haircuts-whatever they say. Mom n Dad didnt really say anything when they came to the airport. They were more than happy to have their son back.
But next day, when my mom was waking me up, she ran her fingers through my hair, and from her touch I could make out she wasnt happy.
So, it was time for another sacrifice. Went to the 20 rs stall (its 30 rs now). Same uncle. Hes been doing this all his life. "Uncle-chhota kaato" He did as instructed.

But my persistence hasnt faded just yet. A much stronger serious attempt is about to come. No female , no chinki can come in the way now!! No more setting now!

helllllos from Mumbaaaaii

Mumbai is advancing. People are getting sophisticated. I was sitting in an autorickshaw and experiencing a bumpy ride (monsoon season) .When the auto hit a bump more ferocious than the rest and the entire vehicle was in air for more than 3 seconds, the driver shouted out "Fuck!!" Last year, I remember, their warcry was always "Aichi/Aichya followed-by-something" :P
Their tastes are improving too. Atif is the new hero. He has totally replaced Himes Reshammiya.
Maybe they all like his "Dard waali awaaz" and it helps them reduce their dard.
I was unsure if the auto fares had changed, so after I reached, I asked "Kitna hua?"
He (driver) replied ," Minimum"
"Minimum kitna hota hai?? "
He looked at me with a mean look and shouted , "9 rupees" (He seemed sure that I was just acting and wasting his time and wanted to disrupt his pan-chewing ecstasy.

Seeing my California tan, folks back home (aunts and uncles) have seriously begin to doubt if I actually ever went to USA. They very strongly believe that when a person goes to USA, he always returns back atleast 2 shades fairer. It happened to my uncle too. (He lives in Chicago..where its freezing half the year ) I am sure they must be thinking I have tricked them all and instead doing manual labor work in Dubai or Kenya. I have instructed my parents to change their standard greeting dialogue from "Beta abroad gaya hai" to "Beta California gaya hai padhne".
I was subject to vertical scanning 4-5 times to observe the slightest change. No accent. No weight change. No appearance change. Only tan. Highly disappointing :P

Truly International Experience

As of today, I know at least some one and have interacted (for a brief time at least ) with people from following countries other than India

Pakistan
Sri Lanka
Iran
Lebanon
Israel
USA
Canada
Mexico
Puerto Rico
Brazil
Spain
France
Britain
Italy
Sweden
Norway
Russia
China
Korea
Myanmar
Thailand
Japan
Singapore
Bahrain
UAE
Kazakhistan
(Prominent countries missing from the list--Australia, New Zealand, Germany, Argentina and many others)

Cuisines I have tried--

Indian
American (?)
Thai
Chinese
Middle Eastern
Italian
Ethipian



so overall the international exposure hadnt been bad at all

Ideal Match

These days, people are asking me to send partner preferences in email. So, I wrote back the following for fun :

My astrologger told me girl's name will begin with X, but after searching for many years and also looking up telephone directory, I did not find any girl with X. So , I am now open to other letters of alphabet also,but X will be top preference.
So, my requiremts are very simple.
I want vERY simple and straight,but affectionated girl.She should have radiating personality.Should know Ramayana,Bhagwat Geeta and other homework by heart. I want girl with no drinks and has service. gavarment service prefered.garment will also do.In education life, she should not have got more than 2 ATKTs.
should be from respectful family.also ,she should be down in earth. She should be adjustable and respective to elderly people of my family.She should be well fitting in my large family.My would be should believe my parents are her parents. She should speak her mind frankily.She should be outgoing, outstanding but not outspeakin. She should have imaginary bend of mind. In hard time, should stand behind of me. She should have one brother and one sister. She should have visited foreign 3 times. Should like gajals and pankaj udaas.she should not cook very spicy food because otherwise i will have problems. sometimes she should be ruff tuff. Also I do not insist for daury but i will not refuse


I wonder why no one replied to me ever since. [:P][:P]
Dont blame me if ur grammar goes haywire after this post!