Saturday, April 10, 2010
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
There are various types of annoying comments-as you would have noticed by now , I like classifying things-thats one of my hobbies
1) Been there-done that
You post a video and you get a comment- "Oh I saw that ages back" or " Dude , I have seen this video 5 times already"
You post a picture and pat comes the comment-" I had been to Grand canyon last year" or "You guys are celebrating Holi NOW? We had it last week itself"
The variant of this is one who offers better alternatives in the line of "Yeh toh kuch bhi nai hai (This is nothing) "
"Dude, you should see THAT video..that will blow your mind away. "
"Dude, Yellowstone is way better than Grand Canyon"
2) The CASETAKER
The dude or dudette thinks he/she is expert in taking people's cases and that he/she is making you blush deep red by posting " Aaaaaaan...whos the girl to the second right in the picture ..you have just one guy between you and her in the pic.."
"You have 2 girls that 'like' your pic haaa...full on haa ...aaan chhave..";
They make you look as if you haven't EVER got acquainted with any female in the world.
3) The Observer
Usually observes and points out things you dont want to hear.
" Dude...you have grown fat" is the most common variety
"What the hell happened to your hair?Looks terrible"
" You look weird in those glasses"
4) Over-appreciative feedback
They see grass on the other side as super green and will almost make you feel guilty
" Kya Yaar..you are having super fun and here I am ...I have full day work and no holiday and no friends and no time . My life is ruined. I hate you for posting such pics..Don't you have any feelings, you inconsiderate sick bas** ?"
5) Unimaginative commenter
" Nice Video"
Girls face this type more often
I saw one of my friends had updated her profile pic and she got 20 comments --16 of them were "Hey nice pic!" remaining 4 had some add-on.. "Hey nice pic- Howz it going these days"
Thats more than the number of birthday wishes I get :P
I am sure you guys will have more types to add..
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
What do I think of 'whom'??
Don't you follow Bollywood?
Well.. I always have a hawkish eye on it but who or what in the name of God, is Shayankaa??
Then the curtains opened and I was enlightened that it stood for "Shahid and Priyanka"
Its called alloy names. Cool na?
So , down went Shareena and in came Shayankaa? In between there were talks of Shaidya too-but it never really saw the light of the day. Harmanka might not be in destiny too, not even after 2050.. the real calendar year.
Saifeena is the new rage too, and there is intense rivalry between 'em and Shayanka. Jopasha fear they are going out of news and need to do something pretty soon... Salkat are having issues over marriage and receding hairlines (the latter has been taken care of for the time being using hair weaving)
New risque sounding and having a risque component alloy name is Rakhel (from Mumbanada) -- the alloy name has to be pronounced in English as Raquel and the Hindi connotations have to be totally disregarded.
*Recently , Aishwarya did a Mallika Sherawat-- No , she has her clothers pretty much intact and no she did not say she fantasized Amitabh running behind her amidst trees ( ew..that would be awkward.. problems of marrying into a celebrity family.)
She fooled us all into believing that she was the main lead in a hollywood film ( Pink Panther in Ms Rai's case) whereas she was there for a few minutes and fewer lines only.. very similar to what Mallika led us all to believe in her already-forgotten forgettable film with Jackie Chan.
** After debauchery and drunken revelry, when young teens return home after 3 am and are quizzed by their concerned folks where they were, they have an easy answer now.. every weekend... "I was at the Jackson tribute show" . Jackson sure is becoming more popular among teenagers.
** Inside news is that Bill Clinton had to trade Paula Abdul to North Korea to secure the release of the two American Journalist girls. Dont know exactly what interest Koreans might have in her. She might have to leave American idol too.
** After the recent turbulence and injuries in a Continental airlines plane, I wonder if helmets and knee guards and elbow guards and chest guards and box guards should be made compulsory in airplanes. After all safety comes foremost- comfort is secondary. What say? :P
Bollywood pickup lines are useful sometimes. I saw a desi guy in a pub trying to make a pass at a firang by saying, " I dont mean to pile on, but can I join you? " :P
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
*In a classic case of racism against Indians, Pakistanis and Brazillians ; the company (the summer work company) has banned Orkut- I get a stupid message saying--"You are not authorized to visit potentially harmful sites from our secure server. Your attempt has been recorded and forwarded to the concerned department" So, I ask the question-Why are they not taking the same action against Facebook- the productivity will dramatically increase then! why target a dying social networking site used only by people in a handful of countries?
Btw- orkut I think is seeing the beginning of the end.. Many beautiful girls are starting to delete their profiles (as guys that complimented their pics and other things every day are busy taking facebook quizzes or updating twitter) This will trigger a chain of events, in which only guys will remain there, and all of them will be so frustrated that the system can collapse any time
In other news,
* Michael Jackson is STILL dead. People are paying tributes daily. The police in Gary, Indiana and Santa Barbara, California (Neverland Ranch is there, and as an amazing unforeseen coincidence, my university is there too ) are not too happy. They have to work much harder now to control people. The overtime days are back again. Michael Jackson , in his death has given people new hope though. They are buying $ 1000 cds. I heard people justify this by saying that only if you spend-the world will be out of recession. So, I guess MJ is doing what Obama couldn't--fixing the economy. However, doctors have warned that other envious artists might get suicidal sensing immortal fame, and have appealed to the government to take immediate action.
Personally, too much of MJ coverage is playing on my mind. I keep hearing voices like " AAAAeeoooowwww" in my sleep. I remember when I was small , elders scaring me with "Soja byaaeetaa warna Gabbar Aa jaayegaa" nowadays they replace Gabbar with MJ for threatening kids to sleep. Unfortunately, they will have to find someone else now as his successor. He has penetrated all walks of life. I saw people playing baseball with just one shiny glove- you see the respect he still commands. They had july 4 fireworks with letters MJ everywhere and now they will have labor day tribute too. People auditioning for news reporting are also updating their resumes to include 'expert on life of Michael Jackson' . They are planning to write down 2009 as the year of Michael Jackson. Chinese people are not very happy. They are ruing the lost opportunity of building Michael Jackson toys in time.
It has given people like me who don't watch American football or baseball and don't know much about 1000s of types of alcohols a very important topic of interest to converse with people. It helps me to carry on a conversation for more than a minute. The more you know about MJ, the more people get impressed with you.
* The company (yea the same pharma summer company.. ) has found a cream for itchy fingers...They are contemplating naming it Twitter, for obvious reasons! Applying this cream 20 times a day gave esoteric and mysterious satisfaction to the patients in clinical trials, they said.
The answer cannot get more obvious.---> Just one of them getting committed :P
Out of NOWHERE. When you least expect it. And that one is NOT you. )
You yap around for a week telling everyone you meet with a big "guess what" look and eager eyes that your buddy has a girlfriend, as if he has won the olympic gold. Your pure unadulterated joy goes tumbling down soon though. That smile disappears from your face quick as a tracer bullet.
Your buddy starts acting pricey. She assumes the position of "The ONE" and you are relegated to "Someone". The only topic of conversation you have is when he asks what to gift her and where to take her out-and you try to contribute with utmost sincerety though you have minimum knowledge and still lesser experience. Then things start going south
Never before have you faced the situation that your calls go unanswered for more than a day.
Your messenger pings get you "BRB" followed by a naughty wink like ";)" . WTF? Wink at your new GF--not me!
Your humor is appreciated no longer. Your super-awesome jokes suddenly start appearing corny to him. These were the same jokes that drew maximum laughs and high 5s/high tens.
You wonder whos losing the sense of humor, you or him.
Traveling is no longer fun, even when you two are going to some "dude place" for some "dude activity" , he gets stuck on the phone-describing to her every moment of the journey..she has told him she wants to "experience" the trip too-and you are FORCED to play games on your cell phone--if you have a pathetic cell phone..it could get as bad as playing SNAKES.
You no longer have company for the "guy movies/action movies". All he wants to see is "couple movies". Wonder what those are? A movie with lots of kisses and lots of cheese and lots of tears?? :P
The other "surprising changes" that grip him are getting haircut three times a month..Ever heard a guy doing that? Man..earlier he shaved three times a month.. What the hell went wrong with him? Why is he changing himself? Isn't love supposed to mean liking the other person for what he IS-- so wht if he wears the same pair of jeans for 2 months.. Last ppl knew, it was COOL.
Then why is he acting so weird and DIFFERENT all of a sudden?..
Even the other guys you know agree.. He has lost all respect he used to command amongst you'll. He is a different feeble form of his self now.. A tiger acting like a squirrel. Enjoy your new "squirrel life" LOSER.. :P
RIP "old buddy TIGER"
P.S :: Before you think I've gone crazy and this is happening to me or I have started hating all things feminine, strong disclaimer that this is work of pure fiction and sarcasm (I hate it when I hv to explain it :P) ..hasn't happened to me just YET..
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Every random person I come across the street smiles and says, 'Wassup' or 'How u Doing?'
Cool, ha? Initially , I had the *turning around ...who, me ? * kind of reaction. Then felt good sometime when ladies gave the smile.. but then it gets irritating with time.. Why would each and every person want to ask me how I am doing? Can you put up with my pathetic boring life? I should actually start off with all twenty one thousand of my problems and stalk them to help me with them and then these people will never ask anyone "hows it going?" again.
"Take it easy" is another such pest greeting. Really sets my tempers up (has the opposite effect than intended)
I mean, I do worry sometimes about life, but I am generally a happy person.. so I do not quite want each and every person to tell me to take it EASY. Do I look like I am gonna have a nervous breakdown or do I look like I am the sole breadwinner of 100 people and in search of a job? Then why should I be asked to "TAKE IT EASY"
*Honking is illegal--why do the car companies make it(the horn) then.?.and why do they design it such that it is right in front of you. Do they realize how much self-control it takes not to press that honk..?
* Pedestrians have the right of way. One whole family takes 10 mins to cross the street where there is no signal , and you still have to wait.. You would break the rules if you startle them in any way.. And on TOP of that...rule 1 still applies..can;t honk too
*Airports are still paranoid. its been long now...8 years after 9/11 ..still they dnt allow no shit in carry on bags.. When I was traveling to washington recently, I was asked for identification 3 times..in fact two successive checkers were just around 6 ft apart in distance. I wanted to tell him, "Dude why don;t u ask the other guy what he saw.. hes right over here..dont u trust him? Are you planning to lay him off? "
* It rained for an hour or so, and the only thing people talked was that roads are flooded.. Now, I was curious what they ACTUALLY mean by flood. Then , I learnt that any visible level of water above ground is termed as "flood" Wonder what they will call 26/7 like situation of Mumbai, where the entire ground floors were submerged..
* The supervisor trick !
If some bugger on the phone is not getting your work done or is inefficient or plainly boring you, just say in a stern voice, "Can you forward the call to your supervisor.?"
And then sit back and enjoy your work get done in a jiffy
*I officially hate Marcus Lopez. I get 3 calls a day which begin with " This is an important call for Marcus Lopez . If you are not Marcus Lopez, please hang up... (Yea, I should wait till you ask me to hang up?)
* Veggie Dilemma
I-- Do you have anything vegetarian? i could not find any on your menu
waiter (w)- Veggie?
I- Yes ...Vegetarian--no meat..
W--Oh no meat?? You eat chicken/?
I- No ..no meat---no chicken...
W- Ok, you like shrimp or fish?
I- No No...no meat , no chicken, no fish--
No land animal or no sea animal...got it? Someting tht does not have meat.. Do you have anything??
W- Yes..we do have a variety of items..
I- What all?
W- Various snakes.... ( He meant real snakes..not gujju "snacks" .. I love those ones)
I- No..just bring one Pepsi..