Sometimes I feel I have no emotions! -- And many people would readily agree with that...
Sometimes I feel I am very sensitive.-- Issues that don't deserve to be on my mind more than 2 minutes ,linger for hours. I can feel the pain, as if my heart tissue is being scraped by someone's long nails.
Few people know this side of me. It is precisely to avoid projecting this (weak) sensitive side, my brain has trained itself to promote the other image-the uncaring, unemotional, indifferent persona.
I have quite settled down with this duplicitous personality, mostly unaware of its existence.
I have realised, with experience, that the world is a fighting ground, you get no second chances. There are no free lunches anywhere. Very few people really care for you in this world, and I sincerely wish to acknowledge and reciprocate the cares of these people. Then I wonder why I left those many people who cared for me and travelled thousands of miles into wilderness-where people don't really care how you are doing-but will ask you this 5 times in a day, - where people don't give a damn for your life-but will ask you 'Howz it going' 10 times. To many, you are just another loser guy who will take away their job in few years time. Not everyone has this attitude though.,some people truly are nice, and in these people you find the real experience and joy of studying or working abroad. They embrace you into their culture with open arms and genuinely wish to know about your culture. I wish the world had only such people.
The answer to that question(yes -the question was- why come here?) is not simple-- Sometimes in life, when life is going too fast, you need to take off some time for yourself, gauge and collect your inner thoughts and be strong and independent. You have to take your life in your own hands, take some decisions. Live for yourself, just because you want to do something... Don't do anything because you want to impress others or to project a successful image, but to realize your inner potential and get lost in your thoughts. Pursue hobbies, find release from your cares. Feel the vacuum. 'Comfortably numb'- Yes thats what it is. Who needs drugs? Psychedelic experiences are all around you, just waiting to be unraveled.
(This entry has been written in complete sanity, however unlikely that may seem :P)
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3 comments:
being sensitive is not being weak.... sometimes its nice to let people know that you are sensitive
i can so relate to what you have written.really nice..
nice..and very true.. :-)
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